Even though I have setbacks....

Ah! I just feel like screaming sometimes.... and this happens to be one of those times! it just seems like every time i think i know where my life is going and i actually set some realistic, hard-core goals, something comes into view to block those goals out! Let me back up just a little bit.....

I've been having some hard times lately. Its not like I feel sorry for myself or anything....I just really really want a life with my parents. You know...like the normal things. But I've been dealing with it. For the first time in my life, I'm dealing with it. I used to put it off in the back of my head and act like I don't care.
So there's some progress. :)

I'm not sure when it happened.... but I WANT A FAMILY. I've never wanted that. I have always said that I was gonna die early (I know how awful that sounds, April.) so I didn't need to waste my time with something so unimportant as a husband or children. Now I want that. Its almost like I would be missing out on life if I don't have a family! Weird.

I was talking to two of my aunts yesterday when we were coming home from my Mawmaw's house. I had mentioned to them that I couldn't wait to have a baby (in like 10 years). Both of them stopped me cold in my tracks. As soon as I said that, they both told me that I don't need to have any children. Evidently this kidney disease that I have (thanks mom) is more serious than I thought. I wouldn't really listen to what they say normally... but one of my aunt's is a nurse and she knows about this disease. =// So that's where that is. I'm not really sure how to comprehend that. Both my kidney doctor and my gynecologist told me that it was risky if I decided to have children.... but of course, I didn't believe them.  Kind of a punch in the gut.

But seriously!!!! What am I even talking about??? :) I have: an awesome family, amazing friends, and a God who loves me. I don't have a boyfriend, so no need to even think about babies right now. :) I will be glad and stay blessed in all that I do have!!! :) Amannnnd!

one day at a time.

no need to worry about future things

when they aren't even in your grasp.

BigDaddyWeave!!!

I'm so very blessed to have such an amazing small group to be a part of!! I know I've only been going for about a month now, but every one of those guys are amazing! Saturday, we are going to see BigDaddyWeave!!!!!! I can't even begin to say how incredibly excited I am!!! (April: I want YOU in small group. ;) ASAP!)

The Start of Another Year ♥

Birthdays, for me, come and go with mixed emotion. One one side, I am so glad to be able to be alive; so grateful to breathe, walk, talk, love, live, smile. I have a few good people in my life and I thank God for that. But...at the same time... I can't seem to let go of the past. 

Tomorrow marks 2 whole years since the big, giant, awful, hurtful break up with Dustin. Even though I'm very glad I'm not in that relationship any longer, it still hurts a teeny bit to think about the way it all ended. 

Last year at my birthday party, ultimately I lost the one person I called my best friend because of some alcohol and girl hormones. It was stupid. It sucks how, after that night, everything between the two of us spiraled numbly out of control. But...It is what it is.  

This year::: I spent my 26th birthday exactly where I wanted. I went to church and heard an amazing message. I came home to pizza and a birthday cake, and got to spend that day with my amazing family! Then I went to see Saw 3D with 3 amazing people, followed by a laughter-filled trip to Chili's. I am so blessed to have them all in my life. 

So I say all of that to say this: 

Being 26 is bound to be MUCH better than being 24 or 25! :) 

Life is what you make it. 

This is going to be a year of change, a year of hope, a year of LIFE.

And I am so stoked about it.