A Broken Hallelujah

Mamaw is sick. She can't breathe. Her blood pressure is super low; her heart rate is super high. She has fluid on her lungs. That just means that her heart can't beat like it's supposed to. Which, in turn, means her blood can't deliver oxygen to her brain like it needs to. I've heard that she didn't know who nana was when she called Sunday morning. She was put in ICU.... which is extremely scary in itself. She's now in a regular room with the same amount of threat. She was so much better when she had people around her. I would be too, honestly. I'm still super stressed about this all.

I think the worst part of this is the fact that i don't know. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what the doctors are saying. I don't know how mamaw is. I just don't know.

And what I do know scares me. I know that she's been crying. I know that she misses my papaw. I know that she's saying that she's just waiting for him to come get her to take her home. I know that there are people up there who are really not good at anything other than getting in the way. I know that my other aunts are upset, scared, worried, stressed. It's hard.

But in this all, I'm rejoicing in the fact that I am so very loved. We have so many people praying and praying hard for mamaw and for my whole family.  Talk about a blessing!

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful, the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah