- My car breaks down on the interstate. Turns out, my timing belt broke. All in all, it's gonna be about $1000 to get it fixed. This means, of course, that my aunt has to bring me to work and we both have to get up at like 4 am. I'm not so thrilled about that.
- I leave my phone charger at church last Wednesday... and my battery lasts a whole 5 hours anyway. Not happy about that.
I'll start where i know best: Complaining about the things I can't control.
I hate hate hate when I don't have control over certain things. Not that I need to have control, just that I'm super independent. I don't like the fact that I have to rely on someone, no matter who it is or how much they want to do it for me, to take me to work or come get me for church, or anything like that! I want to do it all myself. So I've had a little bit of a rough time. No car. No phone.
Why have I had a rough time? Just when I needed a friend or someone to talk to, I couldn't. I had a rough weekend. I was having a hard time dealing with life. I was missing my mom. A lot. And I didn't have a friend to talk to. I feel like that's when I needed someone... and I just couldn't reach out. So here I was. Not knowing what to do with all my feelings. There have been people contact me for the first time since she passed away. People who she worked with or what ever. I'm still not completely sure. Kent McMillan, Roger Locke. And a few others. God has a way of giving us just what we need right when we need it. There's a reason they are contacting me now. This is when i've really had the opportunity to really deal with the death and the pain and the withdrawal I've had. And it sure does help me to know how other people saw my mother. I didn't know her like they did. We didn't have that close relationship. She was my mom; I was her daughter. We fought. We argued. They were friends, coworkers, acquaintances. I love hearing and understanding that she was just how I am. Or how much Michelle acts like her. And how I walk just like her. It truly means a lot! And I didn't have that best friend to go to and tell. So I went to God. :)
Sometimes that's hard. Just going to God. And not trying to sort out all my feelings for myself (which is impossible... its a big jumbled mess).
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Last night, Tiffany came to pick me up for small group. I'll admit that I was feeling a little/ a lot down and it was a struggle for me to even say yes to her... and go. But I'm telling you! God has this way. I didn't want to go. He did. He wins! Always. Jessica told me that she knew my mom!!!!!!!!! Do you understand what a big deal that is!? Just more confirmation, as if I needed anything else to help me understand, that Christ puts you in the path of other people for both your sakes. :) I can't tell you how over-joyed I am right now!!!
so...i say all of that to say this:
so...i say all of that to say this:
- No matter what person, no matter how close they are, lets you down on YOUR OWN TERMS, there's a reason for it...and God comes through in a big big way to show us that HE is the one we have to hold closer than anyone else in this world!
- I'm not the only person who misses my mom. She was such an amazing person in so many people's eyes and I just hope that I am able to let her memory live on through me!
