A Broken Hallelujah

Mamaw is sick. She can't breathe. Her blood pressure is super low; her heart rate is super high. She has fluid on her lungs. That just means that her heart can't beat like it's supposed to. Which, in turn, means her blood can't deliver oxygen to her brain like it needs to. I've heard that she didn't know who nana was when she called Sunday morning. She was put in ICU.... which is extremely scary in itself. She's now in a regular room with the same amount of threat. She was so much better when she had people around her. I would be too, honestly. I'm still super stressed about this all.

I think the worst part of this is the fact that i don't know. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what the doctors are saying. I don't know how mamaw is. I just don't know.

And what I do know scares me. I know that she's been crying. I know that she misses my papaw. I know that she's saying that she's just waiting for him to come get her to take her home. I know that there are people up there who are really not good at anything other than getting in the way. I know that my other aunts are upset, scared, worried, stressed. It's hard.

But in this all, I'm rejoicing in the fact that I am so very loved. We have so many people praying and praying hard for mamaw and for my whole family.  Talk about a blessing!

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful, the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah

Bring The Rain

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray

Holy, holy, holy

Is the Lord God Almighty