I'm not really sure how to actually start this posting.... I am just so completely overwhelmed these days! Overwhelmed isn't really the right word; I don't actually know how to use words when it comes to how I feel. :)
Almost 2 years ago, I met my best friend. Our churches were gearing up and getting ready for the summer camp we were doing together. (Only at the time, I didn't know how special this guy was.) That year, camp was awesome. Connections were made. Fun was had. It rained the entire week, so a few of us leaders went into the 'cafeteria' building and hung out. Jake played his guitar and we all sang songs. I taught them how to play spoons. He made fun of me when we had our volleyball tournament. Instant connection. Explosive chemistry. A few weeks later, I left my previous church...he invited me to come to his church just to hang out. He was cute so I went a few times. I found my new home.
Jake worked with the youth, and of course, I did too. My heart has always been for those kids. It was pretty amazing. The two of us got paired up to work with the high school boys. I remember thinking that I hit the jackpot! I am in a partnership with an amazingly hot fella who loves Jesus more than anything in the world. He knows more about the bible than I do. He puts things into perspective better than anyone I've ever seen. My spirit was drawn to him in a way that I've never felt before. I got super close to him...and it was just what I needed in my life. I needed proof that there were still guys out there who aren't 'typical', if you know what I mean. He was never a 'player' and he treated all girls with the utmost respect. I'd never seen that until then. And my mind was blown.
The next summer, Jake was in charge of camp. I don't know if I could have been prouder. And I got to be right there through all of it. It was stressful to say the least. He had one large amount of opposition. Grown ups were fighting. Kids were rebelling. It was hard. But I think that it helped knowing that I'm right beside him. Through every part. It was one of those...trials. Things weren't easy. But still I found myself taking care of his heart...when it wasn't even mine to take care of.
I found myself wishing that maybe God would just push us together in some sort of romantic way. We would spend the majority of our time together outside of work and stuff. Before and after church. He would sometimes come to Rock Bridge with me, even though we both went to New Town. Things and people just kept getting in the way. Girls. Guys. Life. We both ended up not talking to each other for different, petty, retarded reasons. Pride. And hurt feelings.
Little did we both know that God was doing something absolutely miraculous in both of our lives!!! I had a boyfriend at the time, which didn't end up lasting long. He also had a girlfriend. When I ended things with Derek, I steadied myself and promised God that I was in this for the long haul and He assured me that I was on His path. We talked about life often. Taught together. Laughed together. Things got hard for me when my aunt Dora got so sick. I wasn't able to be at church as much. Neither of us were being treated well, more him than me, but it was hard even to just go to church. Let alone, be happy while we were there. In January, God shoved me into a new role at my amazing church. And I left Jake.
While we weren't close anymore, I studied and studied about marriage. I had never had the desire to be married, until I really realized what God's plan was for husband and wife. Mark Driscoll's "Real Marriage" and Andy Stanley's "The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating" started it all. I completely surrendered myself to God...I needed Him to form me, mold me into what He wants from me as a wife. He took people out of my life. He gave me focus. He revealed hard sin that I brushed under the rug. He broke me. And He made me new. I'm not even close to the same girl I was even a year ago.
Things fell together, and quickly. At church, Matt just finished up "WedLocked". I remember after the first message, I left pretty ticked off. "However you see marriage is how you'll do it." He talked about how 'you + me' marriages don't work...and how marriage is different with Christ in it. He talked about complete sacrifice. Women submit sacrificially, men love sacrificially. I left church that night knowing that I would never get married. I've never known a man in my life to do that. There's no way that's ever gonna happen. And since I took my purity vow on Dec 28 2010, I knew that I would never have another relationship without God in it. So I thought about joining the convent and just becoming Mother Theresa. :)
Little did I know what the next week held! Jake came and sat right beside me. Matt spoke about you never really meet the 'right' person. You never find the 'one' but you become 'one'. That night I knew something had changed. Jake had started coming to our small group. His intentions were clearly to be close. After that Thursday night, we admitted to each other what was inevitable. The way he felt about me, the things I love about him. There's no way I'm ever letting him go. And that was a few weeks ago. I have never trusted, loved, cared for anyone the way that I do for Jake. The more we discover...the more we confess...the more we laugh...the more time we spend together..... I've never felt God work this way in my life. Not since I got saved. And that's a big deal.
It feels good to do things right. God prepared me in this season of 'WAIT' for the rest of our lives. Waiting is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I was lonely. Discouraged. Mad. I went through some extremely hard times. Battles. But we're refined by the fire!
I know that the future Jake and I will share together won't be easy all the time. I'm ready. I'm ready to be his wife. I'm ready to start a new life with him.
I sure am glad I let God do what He wanted for me this whole time. I'm positive that I would have messed things up if either of us pursued the other before the 'time' was right. I mess things up when I play god and make my own plans for my life because that's what I wanted at the time.
For I know the plans I have for you...plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. --Jeremiah 29:11
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